| Hey |
[07 Oct 2007|10:31pm] |
I haven't updated in a while, but you know, I'm not gonna lie, not too much has happened. I've started college at Dartmouth, it took me time to adjust and get off my fucking high horse but I'm starting to loosen up, get used to the fact that I'm 19 as a 'shmen (as they are called here) and I absolutely love the frisbee kids. Oh my god, I've never felt so at home with a group of people, it's amazing, next weekend we're going to Purple Valley, a tournament at Williams, as in, I get to spend the weekend playing frisbee all day, partying at night, and playing frisbee again with a group of people I love, for free. This was the shit my dreams were made of in Hong Kong, I appreciate the grass and stars, fresh air, cold breezes and changing leaves so much more after living abroad. I know it'll wear off in a year or two but everything just feels so fantastic in New England, I'll be eating those words when it's 10 below, but I look forward to that too.
Classes...aren't that bad really. At least not yet. We're on the trimester system so I take 3 classes for 3 terms a year, we learn as much as a regular school does in a semester in 10 weeks, no reading period, etc. Anyway so I'm in Chinese 4 (chinese 1 2 and 3 in one term since I took it for the last 2 years but can't speak for my life), Math 8, which is basically Calc BC, and Sculpture 1. I love sculpture, oh man, it's a class where all I have to do is make shit and try and express something, it's amazing, eventhough so far we've only used cardboard and hotglue we're gonna move on to plaster, wood, and "recycled materials." It's great. My roommate is alright, I've kept in touch with the people from LPC that I've wanted to mostly and moved on in a lot of ways. I even call my mom and dad of my own free will, haha, I appreciate my family so much more, again, after leaving. I'm such a lucky person.
I had a great weekend, which prompted me to post actually, which involved getting tipsy off of alcohol that tasted like Thin Mint cookies, hanging out with guys in teletubby suits ghost riding up and down frat row, cheering on the guy's A team and being told I can throw better than most of the freshman guys, swimming in a freezing cold river in the middle of the night and then spooning / sleeping. Oh man.
I'm honestly really glad I chose Dartmouth. I just love being outside, I love the trees everywhere and the fact that it's so fucking picturesque. I wouldn't have gotten this at Georgetown. There's also a real sense of community since we're so incredibly isolated, where the hell are you going to go, haha. Granted kids really hate the Yankees, but I can live with that. And I feel really silly saying stuff like "people here are so friendly," because I don't think you can generalize a campus like that, and of course the people who take the time to talk to you are friendly, unfriendly people would not bother with an '11, regardless there gave been some good times. Such as, watching the Democratic presidential debates that were held here a weekish ago with the frisbee team, most of whom were playing a drinking game such as "drink every time gingrich's eyebrows move" or "drink every time hillary's suit makes you want to puke" and the only time anyone was quite was when gravel was speaking. Oh college. thusfar you have been better than I hoped, mostly because I've become a bit of a pessimist.
which is an interesting point actually, for those still reading, mostly due to relationship issues ans school problems and friendship abandonment, i think i've actually become really pessimistic. it took me a while to see this objectively but i lost a lot of the carefreeness and fun i used to feel at magnet, i really really really want to avoid being jaded though, and this weekend was definitely a step in the right direction.
yo magnet kids, tell me whats up!
catch you on the flipside
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shoot your own
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[26 Apr 2007|10:43am] |
So I was all for Georgetown.
and then I was all about Dartmouth
and then I was really really indecisive, which is so uncharacteristic I started to get really annoyed with myself which didn't help me make a decision at all
and everyone was telling me to go to Georgetown
so obviously, I chose Darmouth. Alright New Hampire!
I'm going with a gut decision here, even though if I think about it rationally, the School of Foreign Service is what I should do. We'll see.
Catch you all on the flipside.
PS: After running a peace conference for a week, I'm going to be coming home June 5th (on my birthday!)
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shoot your own
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| So here's the Deal |
[18 Apr 2007|09:16pm] |
Since most are so pro-Georgetown,I figured I'd post my pros and cons list and see what people make of it/would add to it. The only rule is...no laughing. Yes frisbee matters to me that much
Georgetown School of Foreign Service Pros
My Aunt Louise lives in Alexandria VA, super close, and would be a meal ticket whenever I want, wherever I want
In DC, nuf said -- Internship opportunities, awesome museums, yada yada
Diversity -- Not in the school, but at least in the surroundings, DC isn't too WASPy
They have a mascot and an awesome basketball team
No frats
Georgetown SFS Cons
Really strict requirements in the SFS, though I can change easily to the College and major there if I don't end up wanting to do foreign service, freshman year, the classes are kinda chosen for me.
No space. I've lived for 2 years in one of the most congested places in the world, I really don't want to have an urban campus.
Catholic. Though it doesn't permeate every day life completely, almost everyone I ask says there are times when you can feel it's a religious campus.
No real frisbee team, there are some girls who play every so often...ish.
Dartmouth Pros
SNOW! Lots of snow
Frisbee team placed 5th in the nation last year, they have a practice schedule and tournaments planned and everything, it would actually be a challenge
Gave me more financial aid, and will probably be more generous when my siblings are in college
really strong UWC presence
don't have to learn traditional characters for their chinese program, just simplified
Will be in New Hampsire for Primaries (super cool)
Political diversity
Dartmouth Cons
Long ass winter. I like snow, not sure how much.
Isolated! The prepiness at Magnet started getting to me after freshman year, but then again Dartmouth is considerably bigger, but it'd still be kinda surrounded. Also, very few foreign restaurants. Sadness
Other LPC people. It's not the people that are going that's the problem, I just won't get a clean break.
Greek life? not sure how I feel about that
So, that's what I've been thinking about. The major things are, I don't want the isolation, but i don't want the cramped campus at all I do want the financial aid, but I really want to be near my Aunt Louise, and the frisbee team! 5th at nationals!!!
Since I don't know what I want to major in, at all, I can't like, compare departments, honestly the only thing I do know is that I will amost definitely minor in Chinese, but that doesn't really make a difference. Dartmouth has this funky "D-plan" where I'd be able to get internships in the middle of the year, basically whenever I wanted really, but if I was in DC I probably wouldn't even need to leave school to get a good internship, my mom could get me one with NBC there no problem....eh. eh eh eh.
Catch you all on the flispide.
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shoot your own
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| Diseased... |
[16 Apr 2007|11:27pm] |
Comment and I will:
1 - Tell you why I friended you.
2 - Associate you with a song/film.
3 - Tell a random fact about you.
4 - Tell a first memory about you.
5 - Associate you with a character/pairing.
6 - Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
7 - Tell you my favorite user pic of yours [if it pertains].
8 - In retort, you must spread this disease in your LJ.
PS: Dartmouth? Georgetown? Dartmouth???? arg.
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13shots - shoot your own
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[05 Apr 2007|11:50pm] |
90% Sure I'm going to the Georgetown School of Foreign Service. Hoya Saxa! I'll be excited...eventually. I just wish I didn't feel like I didn't achieve. Meh.
Dartmouth is just too far from anything and Pomona didn't give me the $$ incentive.
I also have gotten a facebook -- Anastasia Mark.
Catch you on the Flipside.
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4shots - shoot your own
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| University. |
[20 Mar 2007|09:45pm] |
Accepted to Tulane and Dartmouth.
6 more to go
3 of which I care about
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. What really sucks is since the answers come out at 5PM EST, that means 5AM here on Friday, March 30th, which means Ana is getting absolutely no sleep because I can hardly think about it without puking as it is.
North American cultural evening might just kill me with all the fucking work I have to do. 4500 word portfolio draft due today. Physics labs which I'm pretty certain I lost somewhere in the midst of a killer 2nd year and my nails are really long but I can't find my nail clipper and I keep on scratching myself because I'm so unused to long nails.
My sister and my mom went to visit my grandfather over the weekend...and he didn't recognize my sister. When my mom told him it was her daughter, he said "I didn't know you had daughters." Which means he's forgotten about me as well. I swear over christmas he was at least coherent, by the time I get home in June he might not even remember his whole name. I wish I was home and could be there for my mom, for a while before I left, she looked to me for strength when it came to this stuff and would talk to me about it. She needs me and I'm not there, I hate that feeling.
Back to work.
Catch you on the flipside.
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shoot your own
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| Small Update and Another Poem |
[08 Mar 2007|11:47am] |
In 2 days I leave for a week in Malaysia, pretty sweet. Should be hiking a mountain, going through rain forest, hanging out on a sweet beach and maybe some other touristy stuff, oh, and white water rafting or something. Mock exams are almost over, Math was ridiculously easy, making me feel like a total cop out for not taking higher level math but oh well. Can't be totally perfect can you.
I'm going through a self esteem rough patch, going shopping for bathing suits isn't gonna help, is it. Haha, anyway, other than this amazing trip which I'm looking forward to (almost) Chinese exam went so so, I expected it to be impossible and didn't moan about it -- oh! North American Cultural Evening. How could I forget? We're supposed to showcase our culture to the school in a play sort of thing we made up ourselves, it's pretty sweet and the hip hop dance I've learned is uber awesome. The line dance rocks too. I get to be an adopted American kid who lives in the Bahamas with a Bahamian family. Sweet.
Poem of the Post:
Blues by Derek Walcott
Those five or six young guys
lunched over on the stoop
that over-hot summer night
whistled me over. Nice
and friendly. So, I stop.
MacDougal or Christopher
Street in chains of light.
A summer festival. Or some
saint's. I wasn't too far from
home, but not to bright
for a nigger, and not to dark.
I figured we were all
one,wop, nigger, jew
besides, this wasn't Central Park.
I'm coming on too strong? You figure
right! They beat this yellow nigger
black and blue.
Yeah. During all this, scared
on case one used a knife,
I hung my olive-green, just-bought
sports coat on a fire plug.
I did nothing. They fought
each other, really. Life gives them a few kcks,
that's all. The spades, the spicks.
My face smashed in, my bloddy mug
pouring, my olive-branch jacket saved
from cuts and tears,
I crawled four flights upstairs.
Sprawled in the gutter, I
remember a few watchers waved
loudly, and one kid's mother shouting
like "jackie" or "terry,"
"now that's enough!"
It's nothing really.
They don't get enough love.
You know they wouldn't kill
you. Just playing rough,
like young Americans will.
Still it taught me something
about love. If it's so tough,
forget it.
I love this poem, it's so powerful and in your face, and close to home. Walcott takes the cake! and eats it too. Spelling mistakes are intentional, it's written that way.
Catch you on the flipside.
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2shots - shoot your own
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| Body of a Woman |
[01 Mar 2007|03:24am] |
Body of a woman, white hills, white thighs,
you look like a world, lying in surrender.
My rough peasant's body digs in you
and makes the son leap from the depth of the earth.
I was alone like a tunnel. the birds fled from me,
and night swamped me with its crushing invasion.
To survive myself I forged you like a weapon,
like an arrow in my bow, a stone in my sling.
But the hour of vengeance falls, and I love you.
Body of skin, of moss, of eager and firm milk.
Oh the goblets of the breast! Oh the eyes of absence!
Oh the roses of the pubis! Oh your voice, slow and sad!
Body of my woman, I will persist in your grace.
My thirst, my boundless desire, my shifting road!
Dark river-beds where the eternal thirst flows
and weariness follows, and the infinite ache.
- Neruda
I've been studying poetry for a few months now, and the Latino's are definitely the best seducers. I love this poem. I'll post more as my exams go on.
Catch you all on the flipside.
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1shot - shoot your own
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[15 Feb 2007|08:48pm] |
So!
1. I dyed my hair black. Yeah, that's right, I couldn't find semi-permanent-washes-out dye either so it's gonna be black for a while...hehehe. People have been calling me "goth" which I find HILARIOUS because it just shows how sheltered some of the kids here are, as in, have never seen a true goth, punk, hardcore or emo kid in their lives. I'm not talking kids from other cultures, I'm talking freaking Canadians and Americans who are just out of touch. It takes more than black hair and an ACDC t-shirt, in fact, the ACDC t-shirt is kind of negative points.
2. We got a day of school randomly canceled! It was glorious, and even though I had facilitation training for today, which means I'd actually gotten out of school, and then it was canceled so now I've gotten out of nothing and am actually sacrificing weekend time, it's gonna make so many people so happy. I'm really excited, I think the campus needed this.
3. I'm really fucking happy.
That is all.
PS: I was admitted to Tulane and have done several interviews, in high heels! I can walk in high heels now! I am a fucking giant here though, jesus, there need to be more tall people around here.
Catch you all on the flipside.
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4shots - shoot your own
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[09 Jan 2007|06:53pm] |
So, term 4 of 4. LPC experience almost over, college applications out and...shit man. It's so odd, this whole thing, it'll be 2 years of my life that are totally out in left field, I mean I know that next year it'll come up in some random conversation "oh yeah and I lived 2 years in Hong Kong going to high school." ... shenme the fuck? Aaaannnnd I speak Mandarin a little. That makes sense. I dunno, when I was home, it was all I could do to keep from crying that I had to come back here, I really just didn't want to, there were so many negative things running through my head and the whole holiday had been so stressed and fucked up...eh. But now I'm here. Yes there's a shit load of work to do and yes the school board is totally crap and Project Week might go down the drain I might not go to Thailand again or Sri Lanka but I will go to Pakistan in June and there are good things about this environment.
For one thing it's so easy to keep on top of the news and you get such insight into random parts of random cultures. Like I'll always know what a hakka dance is and I can now belly dance pretty well. Ha! betcha didn't' see that coming. Anyway the friends here have grown into family and I'm not going to be cliche and say there are some people I "can't leave" cuz obviously I'll be able to, but in all honesty going to school with someone is one thing. Living with them in an isolated campus is another. The tight knit community is something I'll probably be glad to get away from for the first year or two of college but then something I'm sure I'll miss eventually. It really did feel suffocating last year, the inability to meet new people in the area here, the fact that there are only 250 kids on campus a third of which are not really interested in meeting me cuz I'm not Cantonese (not all the HK kids, but I have to say most) means you make friends where you can, beggars can't be choosers. Which in itself has been an interesting experience, I'm friends with people I'm not sure I would be otherwise and it gives you a new perspective on...everything.
Next year I probably won't have friends which are really heavy drinkers and smokers or nearly as many gay guy friends or ... block 4.
So, as of now, I'm actually happy on campus for the first time in a long time and I intend to keep it that way as long as I can mentally force myself to be positive, as I have accomplished for almost 72 hours now. Lets see that will power flex.
Catch you on the flip side.
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1shot - shoot your own
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| First bit of first entry per month: 2006 |
[03 Jan 2007|04:46am] |
January:
New Year's Resolutions
1. Run on a treadmill every week -- or play frisbee.
2. Don't take as many naps, replace that sleep with work time.
3. Try harder to get along with Ronnie, so everyone can feel comfortable instead of in the middle of conflict.
February:
Umm, I've started to get unnaturally stressed over college. It's complicated and I'm torn between the rational and the emotional and the realistic and the dreams.
March:
I went to NARAL today just to check it out, it's a pro-choice site, and interestingly enough, it gives each state a report card on how your state deals with pro-choice (aka pro-death) / pro-life policies. Check out NJ, I think you'll be surprised.
April:
The Friday Five:
1) When you were little what was your favorite TV show?
Power Rangers.
May:
This postcard gives me hope:
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/994/593/1600/silly.jpg
by the way, I love postsecret.
June:
Alright, so, I'm 18! I got a ton of jewelry, some left to me by my grandmother who died when I was 8, some from my other grandmother a bunch of rhinestone stuff she wore when she was 18, a punching bag which was really a gift to my brother through my birthday, 3 DVDs (Rope, Rear Window, and Dial M for Murder -- Hitchcock!), and some money towards my iPod cuz my last one broke.
July:
This thing is kinda cool:
http://kevan.org/johari?name=AnaTia
Otherwise, I just spend a few days in Penn on a piece of land we own, 100 acres, it was...amazing. I love being out in the open even if I'm allergic to being outside, talk about irony.
August:
shakjfdhka;sj i feel like such a silly little girl who can't stand on her own feet by herself as soon as she's left behind i fall to peices. good job in 3rd and first person ana.
September:
Open iTunes/iPod or Windows Media Player to answer the following. Go to your library. Answer, no matter how embarassing it is.
How many songs? 2074
Sort by song title:
First song - (I can't get no) Satisfaction, The Rolling Stones
Last song - Zombie, The Cranberries
October:
Who's afraid of the big bad wolf? There's a Bill in the House which includes a bit they're trying to hide about "Extraordinary rendition." In case you were as unaware as I was about the implications, it means instead of torturing people ourselves, we deport them to another country like Jordan or Syria and have someone else torture them.
November:
wo(3) hen(2) bing(2) le(neutral) ::sneeze::
December:
I've never wanted to be at home more in my life. Fuck.
Honestly, I couldn't be more happy to see 2006 go.
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shoot your own
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[26 Dec 2006|02:45am] |
I've decided to get one of my friends at lpc a really good porn movie, unfortunately, I know almost nothing about that genre. Any suggestions? Really good can translate into "extremely sexy" or "so horrible it's extremely funny."
catch you on the flipside.
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3shots - shoot your own
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[12 Dec 2006|12:40am] |
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i guess it's one of those things where you can't know how much you need something until it's not going to be there? like, he actually sounded like he wanted to spend time with me, like he wanted us to be together, all as he was telling me we can't. we won't. suffering for others, as always.
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shoot your own
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| Cruel to be Kind |
[11 Dec 2006|12:47am] |
It's one of those nights.
I always first imagine just some random little twin bed in an empty room really with a window and white sheets and just us lying there fully clothed together, being held, being loved, being needed, being wanted. And then I feel comfort for about half a second until I remember, that none of it will be like that. The whole Christmas Break is going to be a sham, myself convincing me and himself convincing him that he does love me, he does need me, he does want me but in reality months of passiveness have added up to apathy. It's too much. I give and I try and I talk and e-mail and call -- it's just over. But fine, he needs to be happy so I'll let the illusion remain I'll let it happen and then next term I'll go crazy again in silence wishing that the passion and feelings would carry over eventhough I can't physically be there, but it won't. It never did. He doesn't think of me.
None of this will make any sense or maybe it will I don't really know I don't like being vague it's just this emotion of helpless abandonment is so overwhelming sometimes. Oh, to be wanted.
Catch you on the flipside, I arrive in NJ 3:30 Saturday Dec. 16th.
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3shots - shoot your own
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[04 Dec 2006|09:26pm] |
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I've never wanted to be at home more in my life. Fuck.
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shoot your own
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[26 Nov 2006|10:51pm] |
wo(3) hen(2) bing(2) le(neutral) ::sneeze::
i don't know how to do tones on lj..i think those are right.
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2shots - shoot your own
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| Same Shade as Concrete |
[21 Oct 2006|07:54am] |
Again, one of my closest friends has decided to just step out of my life. I've been through this feeling so many times of abandonment and bitterness. It's so sad to watch someone walk away from you for someone else and fool themselves into believing first that nothing's wrong, then it's not their fault, finally they did all they could. I really have to stop getting this attached to people. As if losing Derek wasn't enough.
Catch you all on the flipside.
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shoot your own
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| Take your Rosaries out of my Ovaries, South Dakota |
[09 Oct 2006|07:37am] |
"Take your Rosaries out of my Ovaries" : A catchy phrase used in Guatemala by advocates of the right to choose. I think I'm gaining weight, but getting into better shape at the same time. Better that than the reverse. I'm also learning how to walk in heels, jesus. Harder than soccer and physics combined.
Catch you all on the flipside.
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1shot - shoot your own
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